Oh WHY won't it stop sucking?

I'm so tired I want to cry... oh wait. I have.



Husband took the bus to hometown last night and drove back my parents van. I have HUGE issues with this. My parents are well aquainted with their 70's... they NEED to have that van.

sigh... no other options. Asswipes that husband works with 'oh I have this and that and ohhhh you live where again?' Not one offered to give him a ride to work for the week. Nice huh?



R's pregnancy has taken some twists that are not so nice. I'm almost at the point of loaning out my uterus just to get her a baby. *note to God.... YOU SUCK DUDE!!! SMARTEN UP



How I'm going to get my parents van back to them this weekend is starting to completely freak me out! I had plans for taking the md with me, leaving m2 at the local drop in centre thingy and catching the bus back on Friday afternoon. No dice, m2 has to be at least four (toilet trained doesn't cut it)... drat.



Have I mentioned lately that I do not particularily enjoy the 'Christmas season'?

I DON'T!



A miserable old bat who spends time in the parent centre made everyone a gift>
for todays little party. As hideous as I think little toilet paper covers are... I can't help but kinda like this one. She's been pretty decent to us lately (Yes, on occassion I want to counter her 'in my day...' with 'in your day they used to put women like you on ice flows too!').


One of the competi-mommies is getting married. To the live in boyfriend of the last four/five? years. Her three kids seem to be causing a kerfuffle for the good old Catholic church though... oh and no, he isn't Dad. whatever..... I'll believe it when I see it, snort. me? invited. Yeah, hell really is freezing over isn't it?! ha ha ha



I'm tired.

I'm so freaking tired.

I'm not sure when I'll get to the point of not being tired.... ever.



The snow is lazily drifting down from the clouds at the moment. If I wasn't so miserable, I'd probably appreciate the beauty of it.



I've made two batches of bits and bites/nuts and bolts (without nuts though).... yeah the butter season is here. I shouldn't have made the second batch. I've worked hard to have the scale spit out the numbers it has. I'm soooo going to screw it all up this month. Brie with roasted garlic on a stoned wheat thin cracker(look it up people... it isn't what you think!!!) is my type of comfort food. Much to the disgust of my chocoholic friend *WAVES HELLO!!!! just wait. Chocolate at Costco is only in the BULK variety.... tee heee.



Tired. Have I mentioned tired?

Okay, so maybe. Just maybe some depression is creeping in here. Tis the season and all that jazz.

apologies to Jazz as an artistic outlet in music form.



whine whine whine.

grump grump grump

ignore the phone ringing

ignore the kitchen which needs cleaning.

blah blah blah.





yeah. this mom to monsters is pretty crabby. Beware. I'm taking up biting. =)

Not including labour costs...

1200.00

Well damn if it didn't have to happen when I thought we were finally well in the black.

STUPID FREAKING VAN!!!!


Edit.... new total is now around 2 500 or so.
yes I'm swearing .... a lot.

I don't know nothing!

Today my father is having surgery... or was it yesterday?
What kind of surgery? no idea
Serious surgery? no idea
Related to the cancer? no clue
Are they trying to 'reset' his heart, like they wanted to last year? shrugs shoulders.
Outpatient? could be, seems that it might be the case... maybe.

All because my mother deemed it appropriate to 'not worry' me.
I am going to assume siblings flung across two other Provinces do know.
But I'll be damned if I ask.

So...
yeah.
My dad is having/has had surgery.


I am so freaking angry with my mother over this whole...
"it isn't a big deal"
"his doctor isn't worried"
"nothing to worry about"
sentance dropping... that I WILL NOT EVEN CALL TO SEE HOW IT WENT.
Screw it. You don't want to tell me about it, I don't want to hear about it either.

To end a perfectly sucky day....

I went by the store to see if I could get a tracker on the laptop.

chirp chirp chirp ....

that would be a wayward cricket in that shop. Its buddies long ago perished in the cooler weather....


Well then. Christmas is our new and improved date.

^(#)&$#(()$#&$#*^$*)^@*^*($(#@&@!*)&%)^$)($^$()()#@!@@@@@@@###@@@@@@@@@%#^()^$^$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$


Yeah. I'm happy.
I'm at the freaking library again.
Because the dinosaur that I am working on at home SUCKS!
I don't even know when the birthroom chat is anymore... and I was super crabby when talking to the moderator this afternoon. NOT THAT I CAN GO... BECAUSE DINOSAUR LAPTOPS DON'T ALLOW FOR AOL, MSN MESSENGER OR ANY OTHER THING THAT KEEPS ME SANE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ahem...
*please note it was 5 pm... children were deplorable and hungry and crabby and I hadn't eaten since about seven this morning.... I was not a nice person. Did I mention it is hell week in the monthly cycles that just keep getting better and better (snarl grumble grrrrrrr)?
apologies....
Thoughts on elective hysterectomy anyone?

Grump grump grump...

Children not listening...
*new goal for my life!
Get in and/or out of the school without any of them crying, screaming or pissy with me.
Grey blah day.
Getting sick... blech.
Friends husband got 'stuck' with a dirty needle.... BAD BAD BAD! Knows the status of the person type bad.
Crap crap crap.
Oh so tired. Wish I could sleep for a full eight hours and not have to worry about how the house looks when I do wake up...
yeah. I know... speaking of wishful thinking =(
One day I'll wish they were little again... or at least that is what I'm being told
snort...

I love the new Pope...

Yes, you heard me right. I LOVE HIM!

Because I am a very cruel, nasty, miserable human being.

And the 'perfect' little mom who has made my life miserable...

All three of her kids, born out of wedlock ... not a problem with me... it seems to be quaint when people are married first these days... any hoo

Living with her 'boyfriend' who is not their dad.



Goes to good old world church every single freaking Sunday.





According to this Pope.











They are all 'Goin' to hell'



























I'll welcome her with the same greeting I got this morning.







Not even a hello.
*apologies to my irl friends , didn't mean to cause a coronary with that title... =)

5: 57 p.m.

Phone rings...
husband: do you want the good news or the bad news first?
me: you are still in piss ass town?
husband: Yes, but I'm leaving right now!
I'm sorry is repeated.... excuses given...

blah blah blah.... take a deep breath so I don't completely freak out on him with all the words I'd like to use... not appropriate for kids.

me: and you didn't think to phone me at 3:30 to let me know?
husband: I'm sorry.... I will from now on.
me: would have been nice.
husband: I will from now on
me thinking to myself 'how freaking often have I heard this s&%t from your mouth!'

Parting comment.
Well, at least you'll be home shortly after your friend comes over for the evening.
husband starts in on the I'm sorry, do you need anything.

Yeah right... because I want you to have any more excuses to not show up.

I am beyond ANGRY right now.... NOT missing the wedding band at all right now. Marriage is supposed to be just slightly about the other person too, right?
Cripes.

Sometimes the truth hurts...

So... yeah. huh. I opened my big mouth again...
Yes, shut up mom to monsters... enough already... but seriously, people have got to smarten up!!!!

This has caused quite the ruckus...

I chose to use Ms. Anna "your uterus is gonna bust wide open with the hugeness of this baby" Nicole Smith in my commentary...
Ginormous baby my a$$! Okay, so my a$$ is ginormous but Dannilynn was not. Neither was the spinal medication... wanna see a celebrity c/s. You Tube has it! Here you go.

Anyhoo. The editors at CBB chose not to allow my comment. I'm a little perturbed. I mean c'mon if cesareans were so safe and wonderful... why are women being pressured to wait to add to their family dynamic 'please wait X amount of time before conceiving again, then we can schedule you for surgery before there is ever a chance of you going into labour, and baby being ready to be born' blink blink blink... baaaaa lets all be sheeple!
Really, how many multiple cesarean mothers are being asked before and even during their elective scheduled caesareans if they want their tubes tied? If it was so safe... why the limit and timing on a woman's fertility?

Sometimes the truth hurts... especially when people actually question why you figure your baby is too big and you are too small*
... or if there just wasn't any progress... whatever. Failure to progress... how about failure to help mom get baby in to a good position to do that dive? How about failure to wait?

Not to worry, this isn't the first time a comment has been neglected.
I personally despise the word caesarean birth when describing m1's entrance in to the world. It was nothing of the sort.
Documented as a surgical removal of term fetus.
Yup, got me a copy of that little quote.
yes, if I have a client who has a surgical birth, then so it shall be.... not my place to rub my issues on someone else!

*Truth be told, it is only when you are dead and de-fleshed that your pelvis can truely be measured to see if that baby really was too ginormous for your iddy bitty body.... I'm not kidding!

Home sweet home!

Ahhh that is better... something along the lines of chewing glass would be more appealing than spending more time with my maternal parental unit.

But hey, I'm just a crappy parent and should be more like her.

Paint did not dry lighter... second coat coming up tomorrow if all dries properly... like the drywall goop I slathered on last night.

ugh.

Gotta love the delete button...

Just had a massive miserable horrific terrible no good awful post from the depths of what is left of my brain.

And I deleted it.
On purpose.
This whole cathartic... writing is the outlet, who cares if anyone reads it.... crap. utter crap.
ugh.

Things in the monster house are less than thrilling. Husband has been home during conscious monsters time for all of three hours in the last three days.
Not so pleasant. Not so pleasant at all.
If this rain doesn't stop soon. I'm going to drown myself in the neighbours rain barrel. Yup, pop the lid and let me sink! This is insane. We are getting flooding, all over again. What? We need a refresher on Ark building?
So... tomorrow is Thursday. Lets see if we can end the week on a good note.
Yeah, won't hold my breath on that one.
go ahead, call me grumpy pants. My kids are.

Bad parenting... take two.

Okay, yeah...
going to school was a bad idea today.
bad
bad
bad
bad
bad
bad
bad
bad
bad
bad
bad
bad
bad
badddddd idea.

Someone please validate my parking and let me out of this hell.
*oh joy!!! Four day weekend... NOT!!!
we were home, and by that I mean ALL of the monsters, by shortly after ten.... yeah, less than an hour at school....

To do list for May the twelfth.

Fold, sort and put away four laundry basket contents.
Clean home for arriving semi-senile elderly uncle.
Make sure gift for m1's classmate is fully painted and finished for low key party.
Make sure to go to the low key party at the time specified... verbally. huh, gonna have to e-mail the mama before crashing for the night. Oh, guess we ought to make that morning!
Go to bank and get cash for emergencies... like the extra Lexus payment they want for filling the tank at the gas station... yeesh!
Feel guilt over not going to see a friend in desperate need of a chocolate fix. I PROMISE SOON!!!
Sleep?
snort... anyone notice the time. I haven't messed with the time stamp at all. Yuppers I am awake and wide eyed and busy tailed.
*actually I'm in an incredible amount of pain. Foot/ankle swollen to post c/s levels. Very disconcerting. Have seen walk in doc, planned on further action this week... not so realistic now.
Tylenol seems to be kicking in. Cold pack is out of the freezer, waiting to numb the pain...
have I mentioned I hate having cold feet? Well, I do.
Will have laptop... won't have wireless access. You may, or may not hear from me in the next little while...
Wish me luck. I'm less than likely to be civil with a few of the husbands relatives.
"golly gee, how horrible your baby has severe asthma at 18 months!"

what I'd love to really say is...

You dumb ass stupid little nit wit. NO KIDDING THE KID IS SICK! You live with a SMOKER! You had an elective caesarean (NO YOU CHOSE IT DUMB ASS, YOU COULD HAVE SAID, I'M HAVING A SNOOZE NOW THAT THE EPIDURAL IS IN AND WE'LL TALK IN THE MORNING! *I TOLD YOU THEY WOULD CUT YOU OPEN!* YOU CHOSE TO USE FORMULA, NO KIDDING YOU'VE HAD ONE EAR INFECTION AFTER ANOTHER.... GET A GRIP AND TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR STUPIDITY.

Ahem... sorry. Feeling a little riled at the moment. This particular relative will be sobbing at the funeral... too bad she actually only made it to see her grandmother once since Christmas.... grumble...
God help us all if the other dumb ass cousin shows up! She probably won't, as she only "married in to" the family. And her pregnancy isn't going well. Her husband probably doesn't have the time or inclination to show up either...
No shit? You're a nurse in a rural redneck town (can we say doctor worship?) ... and you haven't quit smoking? oh no problem ... of course you go right ahead and keep on puffing away.

Yes, people I said I do... despite this poor breeding stock. Oh, the smoker in her last few weeks of pregnancy... Subject to the lively discussion at our wedding of what shade of peach/pink/nude underwear she was wearing... skirt was barely considered a real piece of fabric covering not so much.

Have fun with that birth thing honey...
anyone in on the c/s betting pool?
anyone?
c'mon....

lovely. Just tucked m2 into bed with husband. He is wheezy and warm. Yeah, that has to clear up before tomorrow afternoon. No really. We don't have time for sick!

I'm starting to wonder about this God thing...

Last year I stomped my feet over this.
This week I'm absolutely livid over the fact that wee Fiona is trying to make a bid to escape at 20 weeks.

Yo God!
Think you've heaped enough on this family yet?
I've said it before.
And I'll say it again.

YOU SUCK.

I really hate politics...

yet... I can't shut up.

An open letter to the party in power right at the moment...
*hey they said in great bold letters
CONTACT US!

Please take a moment when reviewing your health initiatives and realize this brual statistic. Close to one full third of women in Canada are being told that they can not give birth and must subject themselves to surgery in order to deliver their baby. The world health organization indicates that this should fall under 15%. The increase in maternal/fetal complications for surgical birth is undisputed in the medical community. This then has a massive impact on the system for the care of both the mother and infant, the costs are amazing. I will defer the ramifications of the post partum period when a whole host of other issues also impact the new family and medical system. Now take a moment and look at first world/industrialized countries who have midwifery as a primary care for mothers... YOU COULD SAVE HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS! As well as saving thousands of women trapped in the system that is all about how dangerous birth is. Many who are seeking midwifery as a viable option, but can not access this crucial service.The report your Honorable Ms. Oswald has been shelving forever. You know the one, take a look. We need to have more midwives. We need to have a training program here, where women wouldn't have to leave their families and support systems to train. It will be too late for me to do it. I have wanted to be a midwife since I was a child and our friend would come for dinner and regale me with homebirth stories..
Please don't let women in this Province down.

I know that it really doesn't matter that our cesarean rate is high.
I know it doesn't matter that all women seeking care can't access midwifery during their pregnancies.
I know it doesn't matter that the midwives we have are burning out and are under incredible stress.
I know it doesn't matter if we have no where to train new midwives.
I know it doesn't matter that this impacts women more than men.
I know that what matters is the amount of votes an issue gets.

As frustrated as I am with the Honorable Ms. Oswalds office... I've lived in Alberta... I will not vote PC.
I wish I could vote for the NDP with the knowledge that my vote meant something. I hope that after reading this... it might.
Please don't let us down.

mm
mother to three
primary cesarean son
second son born at home with competent and superior care of Registered Midwives.
a daughter born at home with the superior care midwives again.

The Hell with "parenting".

I am done.
done.
DONE!

M1 is a disaster.
M2 doesn't even pretend to listen to me.
the md...well yeah, she's just an annoying toddler at the moment... but the constant whine/screeching at the top of my lungs.... 'tis wearing thin.

So I've come to the conclusion that those people who are happiest as parents are the ones who don't necessarily "parent" their children. You know the ones... they have it all together, have nice clothes, hair done all the time ... never have to discipline their children. yeah we all see them . I want to be one... just without the new clothes, not worth it and I believe it is against the rules to make nice clothes in my size.

So, no more reminding M1 to look both ways before crossing the back lanes. You go ahead and cross the street without me... not that you listen until I'm screaming at the top of my lungs to get you to not walk into traffic. Go ahead, be miserable and nasty and snarly with anyone you want. Who needs friends? Certainly not you. I'm quite content with that. Makes my life easier to know that no one would even come and play with you even if we tried to invite them.

M2 you go ahead and take off at any time. I'm fine not knowing where you are. I adore having people bring you back with those lovely condescending looks of "gee can't control any of them can you?". Sure, scream and snarl at me... I obviously don't get enough of it from your older brother. Oh yeah and this idea of using the toilet. Screw that. I was foolish to think that just maybe I'd have an easier time of it with you. Then again... should have realized that with the crap that has been happening with your brother, I have probably screwed you up too.

So that leave the md. I figure she is learning everything from the older ones... maybe if I don't try and correct the behaviors she will turn out normal. I mean, who cares if you take off in the opposite direction of your brothers? Which one of you do I try and get at first? Really.... what a coin toss! I'm done.

Yes, I'll just let them do whatever they want from now on. I will not worry about their safety. I will not care about their behavior. And really, they certainly haven't benefited from my parenting so far. Their behavior is awful and therefore the awful parenting is to blame.

I've come to this conclusion, because today was the last straw. I never want to spend the entire morning crying over the disasters that are my children.
Perhaps tendering my resignation for this whole gig is for the best.
Yup.
I quit.
I am no longer a mom to monsters...
I'm just the damn zoo keeper. Keep them fed and watered... that is it.

Good day! Bad day!

*emotional rant and oodles of tears in this post. And No, I don't want to get into it dear friends who have my phone #... I'm sure this is just hormonal hell compounded by way too much sadness, sirens and anger.

M1 had a great day at school... not sure which deity to thank for that... but
Thanks all! Don't know what we are doing right... but I will do my best to keep it up... whatever it is!
Md is on a rampage of fits... seems that she is taking over for her missing brother today. I'm tired of fits. But at least it is only one and not two at a time. right? She wallops her forehead on the ground when she gets frustrated now... just to think m2 was this age when I was in the final weeks of pregnancy. Makes me wonder just how I survived!
Have wasted time trying to write some more stuff. Just can't seem to help erasing it all...
does that make sense? nah... okay... well ignore me then.
I'm so tired though. Not just physically, but emotionally. I'm just tired of trying to make things work. Why can't things be easy? I know that I've made mistakes in my life and choices I've made over the years... who hasn't? But c'mon. I need a break or something.
No, this isn't about the funeral on Thursday. I was contacted by someone "looking into matters" today. My e-mail address came up. I started to panic. Did I ever encourage her to UC? I'm sure I didn't. This hunch was validated by the "person in charge"... they just wanted to know if I was there, or in contact with her during the labour and delivery. I guess she phoned the house, but never left a message. I wasn't even in the city when baby was born.
You know. I have no right to be such a selfish little whiner right now. That couple, despite a crash c/s three years ago... came home with empty arms. Again last week... their arms are empty. What kind of world is this? What a sick, cruel world. To add insult to their sorrow... the "authorities" have to "investigate".

Yo God! Today. You suck.
Sincerely the mom to monsters

Monday Monday....

So here we are... up and about for the last two hours... thank you husband for the insanely bad sleep last night. And by that I mean thrashing about and getting crabby with me for daring to breathe.
Really, there are days I wish I had my own room.
Any hoo.... birthday party yesterday. Lots of fun. Heck, what isn't fun about running around with beach balls and toys and running some more and cake and snacks and running... yeah, lots of running involved. Sadly m1 decided to end the afternoon with a fit. It was then I realized husband hadn't been giving him his essential fish oil capsules... at all. Not one.
hmmm new label, annoyed by husband.
So today dawns a new day with school again.
huh.
I'm hoping that I will not be repeating this emotion this week.
Please, for the love of dairy! Let him be good this week!
M2 is blissful. If you happen to have heard something along the lines of glass shattering in a delightful tinkling sound last night... that would have been my heart!
"Love you mum. Night!"
Love you too sweet pea. I miss you!
"No mum, no miss me. LOVE ME!"
Don't you miss mum?
"ahhhhh no... love mum".

So I'll have to placate myself by irritating the dog...

&#%^*%$)@^&"^)&#$(^&#$^")$&%*#@&%($*&^)#$

Manitoba News Release............................................................
March 30, 2007

PROVINCIAL TASK FORCE TO REVIEW MATERNAL AND CHILD HEALTH-CARE SERVICES IN MANITOBA

A new provincial task force will review maternal and child health-care services in Manitoba and make recommendations for the future, Health Minister Theresa Oswald announced today."Manitoba's maternal and child health-care services are an important component of the overall health- care system and the Manitoba Mother and Child Health-care Task Force will review how these services are delivered in Manitoba," said Oswald. "They will also develop recommendations around both primary care and prevention initiatives that will strengthen these services and create lasting change in maternal and child health care in Manitoba."The Manitoba Mother and Child Health-care Task Force will be co-chaired by Dr. Brian Postl, CEO of the Winnipeg Regional Health Authority, and Marie O'Neill, CEO of the Burntwood Regional Health Authority. Membership of the task force will include representation from all regional health authorities, Manitoba Health, Manitoba Family Services and Housing, Healthy Child Manitoba, the First Nation Inuit Health Branch, doctors, nurses, midwives, the Assembly of Manitoba Chiefs, the Manitoba Métis Federation and the Women's Health Clinic.The goals include ensuring the long-term sustainability of a maternal and child health-care system, enhancing access to care services, promoting collaboration across RHAs in the development and adoption of best practices, and enhancing prevention and health promotion throughout the province. The task force will consult with and review relevant reports by stakeholders and governing bodies and make recommendations to the deputy minister of health regarding:· providing maternal/newborn and child health-care and service delivery provincially;· providing provincial planning and co-ordination of human resources in maternal and child health services;· working toward closing the gap in services for Aboriginal child health and maternity care and address cross-jurisdictional barriers to care;· linking with professional bodies around continuing and collaborative education;· promoting best practices across regions;· promoting health promotion and prevention; · identifying service needs for children with disabilities and chronic illness; and· developing strategies for reducing wait times for services for children."Through Healthy Child Manitoba, we have worked to develop co-ordinated and supportive services for children and youth across Manitoba," said Oswald. "The recommendations from this task force will build on those successes and continue our work with the regional health authorities and our other partners to support quality health-care services across the province."




I am beyond LIVID! I AM SO ANGRY AT THIS!!!!! We HAD a report... WE HAVE A REPORT!!!! It outlines all kinds of great goals to achieve for our province.
THIS (@$^&)(%^&%)$(*(%^*(%%&$#@!@ POLITICIAN IS SCREWING IT UP AGAIN!!!!!!!
Lucky for us, the opposition health critic took our letters seriously and made them announce this early and very publicly. bwaa haa haaaaa! I am so going to continue on my letter writing campaign (already did the MLA, and of course the woman above, who I have asked 4 times now for the report! ahem.... now the health critic is going to go and get a big cyber hug and smooch and Thanks for making the A section of the paper!

By the way, this is an election year. Part of the report outlines all the maternal and natal morbidity and mortality rates for Manitoba. I have to say, IT SUCKS! We are inching into scary territory. But that is what happens when you finally decide to count the poor, culturally segregated and geographically distant groups of people who deserve better care more than the rest of us. And how about the rise in unassisted births? Just this past week, another baby died. I can't speak to whether or not an ambulance ride to the hospital / caesarean section would have saved baby. This is the second loss for this family. I personally think that there are some fatal genetic issues going on... As I said, I wasn't there. But I will be for the funeral if I can pawn off md on a friend for the morning!
Which brings me to another part of the report (I got to thumb through it for about 5 minutes once...) which outlines a training program for midwives in Manitoba. Most people just can't move to the programs, which by the way are overwhelmed too! Anyhooo.... it also says that Manitoba needs X amount of midwives to properly serve the populations! AND ALL RHA's should have midwives... right now we are woefully below all those recommendations.
*granted I'm not sure if I'd train to be a midwife even if the school was a bus ride or two away... but still! C'mon! TOO
excuse me while I continue ranting and raving and completely melting down over this.
I've taken to swearing in German... so the monsters don't get too used to the other words I was using earlier.

me? mean?! REALLY?

*WARNING!!! I am link a holic this evening...
beware! If you've read all the drivel before, feel free to not
click. But the IAI said I'm mean... so I decided to ramble and link
and ramble some more. I don't get bullets, so I use words, not great
words, but words. And she says that bullets are wasted on the stupid... so
there!
AND, despite the grumbling I do here. I DO NOT Pull this kind of
attitude with anyone other than those nearest and dearest MWAH!!!
LOVE YOU ALL FOR PUTTING UP WITH MY INANE BIRTHY ISSUES! Dear techie friend said she needed a "suck it up princess
(this is supposed to hurt) doula", the name stuck... but I have yet to
actually use it, in labour, with anyone. I respect that people have the
right to do what they feel is best for themselves and their unborn children...
but when they refuse to take any control, education or responsibility... I get
irritated... ahem mean.

Okay, so maybe I'm a little mean...
I prefer to think that I am more along the lines of brutally honest, emotionally honest? Ummm smarter? C'mon I AM! in this case!!!
sigh...
Okay, so I'm getting some glee out of the fates biting her in the butt.
Lets take a look at reality though...
Today a friend called to ask my opinion on what to say to someone who has had a second trimester miscarriage/fetal demise/whatever you want to call it... IT SUCKS. Something this friend and I share in common as well though... I think we spent more time discussing the stupid things (and amazingly beautiful gestures)that were said to us... not sure if I was any help at all really.
So yeah, here was a wanted baby, a person happy to be pregnant. And now they aren't. *and I use the plural, because no one ever acknowledged husbands feelings when we lost a pregnancy at 11 weeks.

But there is the whiny car pool gal, who openly admits to not liking children.
Whines about not enough "me time".
Is miserable because the cat broke a Christmas ornament... and meows too much... and isn't allowed in their room because it wants too much attention.
Read What to Expect like a BIBLE... despite asking my husband what books he'd recommend.
*he told her to burn it! She did not.
Tried to tell her OB that she did not want an episiotomy (whoa... she actually knew what she was talking about with that one? How bizarre) and had the OB laugh at her.
AND YET SHE STAYED THE COURSE!

Of course I'm betting that she will have a complete and total breakdown before leaving the hospital.
I am also betting that one of them is now going to break with the plan and get desperate for another one... just because this one isn't the gender they wanted...
I can guarantee that the kid will be on formula by the end of the first week. She is so not ready to be up all night with a demanding baby... not that I was ever pleased with that situation either... but I have doubts that she will stick it out, or ask for help if things aren't going well.
Despite all the mean things I'm saying out loud ... do not get me started on the name! Who names their kid after the "dumb one" from a pop culture sitcom? Really, no joke. Add it to the incredibly Ukrainian last name... it just sounds bad. bad. bad.
So despite the mean things...
I feel sorry for that baby.
I feel sorry that it's parents didn't think this through a bit more.
I'm sorry that it will be a source of stress and frustration and a lot of resentment... because it was all those things even before the birth.
I'm sorry baby. Wish I could help your mama... I tried. Sorry.

Been trying to get out a post since the weekend.
Not working too well.

I am beyond crabby. beyond. wayyyyy beyond!
The list feels a little too long these days.
I'm still sick. I can't seem to shake this cough, sore throat, general icky feeling.
I'm exhausted from being up half the night hacking up a lung.
I'm a complete and total disaster as a mother. Monster #1 is going to be the death of me.
My own mother and husband have both freaked on me today... just because I said with absolute resolve that I DON'T CARE anymore. I just can't be bothered caring what is most effective or in his best interests anymore. I'm done trying to be his parent. It isn't working. And today, I do not care. I do not like him, I do not like his behaviour. I do not like having to take him to school every single day and wondering what the heck he has done wrong/had a melt down over in the intervening two and a half hours. Go ahead, have a "meeting to discuss his placement for next year." I'm not participating. I don't do monster #1 anymore. I'm off to try and not screw up the other two too much more than I might have already.
I am going to a conference/meeting/planning thing this weekend to learn how to effectively lobby the government for more midwifery services in my Province.
yet....
I know that midwives are leaving in droves.
I know that midwives are burning out and can't take much more.
I know that the government is trying to implement more "structure" to the existing act.
I know that means that women like myself... will lose a lot as far as midwifery care goes... in fact just thinking about all the things that could go, makes me physically ill. And I'm not even having any more babies!!! But that in itself is a whole other post where I waffle between resolute and practical to HOLY CRAP AM I SAD!
Monster #2 seems like he is always crying/having a fit. oh wait... he is. One of the moms, from m1's class, I've somewhat become friends with is an ASL interpreter. We were joking around about name signs... not just spelling it out with the alphabet. We agreed that his would be the first initial of his name in the sign for fit. Incredibly apt. Spot on really!
According to the chiropractor md's gait has improved tremendously. I don't see it, but I am also around her all day long. Perhaps I should take the chiropractors word for it. So far we are going to wait until April to decide on physiotherapy or not. Dunno, just don't know what to do with this thought.
I called and left a message about getting some help. Was told that I'd have to commit to x number of sessions. I told the person taking the message that I wasn't so sure how much I could do, dependent on our benefits....
BOOM (that would be the other shoe)
oh well then... huh.... you can't expect to get anywhere with what little coverage you have? do you?
As well as I know that we can't just pay out of pocket and submit our receipts later for reimbursement. ha ha ha ha snort gfawwwww. Yeah, okay. One income, three kids... one of them by all accounts lately as a "high needs/special child". Sure... we have money coming out of our butts~
&$^*(%*$#$!

Well then. Let's wait and see if we get a call back, shall we?
Should have stuck to my guns when I called it quits. So.
I Quit.
ahem...
Happy International Day of the Woman tomorrow gang.
I am woman, hear me roar... now that I've got that out of the way, I'm going to curl up in a ball and sob for a while.