Been trying to get out a post since the weekend.
Not working too well.

I am beyond crabby. beyond. wayyyyy beyond!
The list feels a little too long these days.
I'm still sick. I can't seem to shake this cough, sore throat, general icky feeling.
I'm exhausted from being up half the night hacking up a lung.
I'm a complete and total disaster as a mother. Monster #1 is going to be the death of me.
My own mother and husband have both freaked on me today... just because I said with absolute resolve that I DON'T CARE anymore. I just can't be bothered caring what is most effective or in his best interests anymore. I'm done trying to be his parent. It isn't working. And today, I do not care. I do not like him, I do not like his behaviour. I do not like having to take him to school every single day and wondering what the heck he has done wrong/had a melt down over in the intervening two and a half hours. Go ahead, have a "meeting to discuss his placement for next year." I'm not participating. I don't do monster #1 anymore. I'm off to try and not screw up the other two too much more than I might have already.
I am going to a conference/meeting/planning thing this weekend to learn how to effectively lobby the government for more midwifery services in my Province.
yet....
I know that midwives are leaving in droves.
I know that midwives are burning out and can't take much more.
I know that the government is trying to implement more "structure" to the existing act.
I know that means that women like myself... will lose a lot as far as midwifery care goes... in fact just thinking about all the things that could go, makes me physically ill. And I'm not even having any more babies!!! But that in itself is a whole other post where I waffle between resolute and practical to HOLY CRAP AM I SAD!
Monster #2 seems like he is always crying/having a fit. oh wait... he is. One of the moms, from m1's class, I've somewhat become friends with is an ASL interpreter. We were joking around about name signs... not just spelling it out with the alphabet. We agreed that his would be the first initial of his name in the sign for fit. Incredibly apt. Spot on really!
According to the chiropractor md's gait has improved tremendously. I don't see it, but I am also around her all day long. Perhaps I should take the chiropractors word for it. So far we are going to wait until April to decide on physiotherapy or not. Dunno, just don't know what to do with this thought.
I called and left a message about getting some help. Was told that I'd have to commit to x number of sessions. I told the person taking the message that I wasn't so sure how much I could do, dependent on our benefits....
BOOM (that would be the other shoe)
oh well then... huh.... you can't expect to get anywhere with what little coverage you have? do you?
As well as I know that we can't just pay out of pocket and submit our receipts later for reimbursement. ha ha ha ha snort gfawwwww. Yeah, okay. One income, three kids... one of them by all accounts lately as a "high needs/special child". Sure... we have money coming out of our butts~
&$^*(%*$#$!

Well then. Let's wait and see if we get a call back, shall we?
Should have stuck to my guns when I called it quits. So.
I Quit.
ahem...
Happy International Day of the Woman tomorrow gang.
I am woman, hear me roar... now that I've got that out of the way, I'm going to curl up in a ball and sob for a while.