Thursday starts with a bang...

I have been in desperate need of my chiropractor for a few weeks now....
Now I am in agony, and a miracle isn't in sight. Husband was furious with me for the comment of;
She works the same hours she has been since she came back to work! Until Five. Long before you ever make it home...

insert husband speaking to me in that lovely condescending voice he usually uses on nitwit students about how he will be home before five.....

yeah. Ten to five doesn't cut it buddy.

So goody goody... we started Thursday with pain, hacking up a lung, and husband in a pissy mood, because I'm so negative! okay sweetie.... last week when you said you'd be home right after school you arrived after seven. "Something came up". Something always comes up.
Phhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

God help me, I have to put up with him for another four weeks until he is out of my life for a blessed four weeks! Ahhhh that feels better, something to look forward to.

Gotta love the delete button...

Just had a massive miserable horrific terrible no good awful post from the depths of what is left of my brain.

And I deleted it.
On purpose.
This whole cathartic... writing is the outlet, who cares if anyone reads it.... crap. utter crap.
ugh.

Things in the monster house are less than thrilling. Husband has been home during conscious monsters time for all of three hours in the last three days.
Not so pleasant. Not so pleasant at all.
If this rain doesn't stop soon. I'm going to drown myself in the neighbours rain barrel. Yup, pop the lid and let me sink! This is insane. We are getting flooding, all over again. What? We need a refresher on Ark building?
So... tomorrow is Thursday. Lets see if we can end the week on a good note.
Yeah, won't hold my breath on that one.
go ahead, call me grumpy pants. My kids are.

New book.... drool slobber slobber drool.

Please. Please let them take paypal!!!!
I so very want this book... yes, despite the lack of having any more babies.

I WANT THIS BOOK!!!!!!

sigh... anyone in Australia want to pick up a copy and send it to me?


pretty please?

She came... and she left.

I just don't understand.
I just don't understand why this family. WHY THIS FAMILY?!
I'm sorry you came so early wee one. I wish you could have stayed longer.

Would someone please give me some good news? Something.
There was a beautiful rainbow (dog bow to some of our little friends... this is what you get when your beast is a "reign") last night. Wasn't that supposed to be some sort of "promise"?

grumble...

Drat...

The in-laws said they'd take m1 to school for me this morning... which was very nice and such...
Pissing off the Kindergarten teacher... not so nice and such.
*father in law... not m1. Not sure if that makes it any better though?! =(
I'm sure I'll hear about it when I pick him up later.

drat.
Is it Friday yet?
no?
drat.

Freaking politicians...

I am out for blood as of this morning.
I am tired of being ignored.
I am tired of feeling like I really am only 3% of the whole piece of the pie.
I was sick watching a mother at the end of the street holler at the one leader about how it is impossible for her to live on the meager amount given each month... let alone job training.
*note that this woman has applied to training programs for over a year now... nothing is lined up for her yet.
I am sick and tired of asking the same question over, and over and over again....
It is like dealing with the monsters... only more annoying.
Adults are supposed know better.... snort.

the latest request... after sending off a note to the former and current mla for my area.... cc'd to the former health critic, former health minister and the local newspaper health columnist....
snickers.... laughs maniacally....

Today is my sixth attempt to gain access to the Manitoba Health Maternal Newborn Working Group Report.
I have tried three times with the honourable former health ministers office. Twice I was assured by former/current mla, on paper and in person, that I would find the report in my mailbox shortly...yet, nothing.
With victory for the party last night. PLEASE DO NOT LET US DOWN. The women and children of Manitoba need more. The fact that this was the only party to not have its leader at the Midwifery Day event... spoke volumes... lets hear your voice now. Now it really ought to count, don't you think?
mm
constituent of this area....

*got pizza and beer stock started for the US elections in November.... God help us all!

Wednesday.... doomsday?

So... shall I pack up the little monsters and see what horror awaits me at the school.

Why yes... I shall.

Please, please, please let things have been "normal" today.

PLEASE!

Seriously....

That would be a mosquito.

You got those in Calcutta don't you?

snickers...

In honour of crappy political settings...

I am so not allowed in China...
After seeing this midwifery student and her cool banner (must get me one!), I decided to check it out... after I had a visitor from Beijing this morning.
drat.
shucks.
was hoping to change the world with this blog.

SNORT.

Want to see if you are allowed to be viewed in China? Plug yourself in and see!

WHEEEEE! I did it! hmmmm... suppose I ought to start lambasting China... hmmmm I see a post coming!

Happy election day to me...

No... not that other e word... ELECTION... like bloody freaking stupid politicians.
bah.
I love the CBC, they just informed me how to properly spoil my ballot.
Not sure if I will yet... but really... they ALL suck.

May long weekend.

Ironic that the day we finally give in and turn on the heat again...

THIS IS WHAT I SQUASH IN THE SHOWER?!

The heat is off again... the sun is shining and I am dying of allergy crap.

Yeah.... blah

Bad parenting... take two.

Okay, yeah...
going to school was a bad idea today.
bad
bad
bad
bad
bad
bad
bad
bad
bad
bad
bad
bad
bad
badddddd idea.

Someone please validate my parking and let me out of this hell.
*oh joy!!! Four day weekend... NOT!!!
we were home, and by that I mean ALL of the monsters, by shortly after ten.... yeah, less than an hour at school....

Friday already?

Really tomorrow?
How crazy is that.
Kept m1 home from school today, way too much snot to contend with for anyone... even a Kindergarten teacher with as many years as this person!
I managed to get a shower during the daylight hours today. Very cool.
The laptop is about to go out the window and hit the concrete... sound is gone. I mean even the little icon on the lower right side of the speaker is gone. WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS ONE?! HUH?
ahem.
A little cranky about this ... yes. I am.
Hopefully after I freak out on the HP people for the umpteenth time... that yes, I did follow your instructions and no, it did not help. I will get a chance to take it back to the place I purchased it and say "fix this".
yeah... here is hoping.
Haven't drank as much water as I should be lately. I'm feeling it too. I'll try and get back on the bandwagon tomorrow... hopefully.
Well, I think I'll curl up with a book in bed now. I'm just wiped right out. Quite honestly I shouldn't be feeling this blah though... Husband brought home supper and everything.
meh.
Time for bed. Count the sirens. This week has been crazy busy for emergency personnel around my stomping grounds. Yo! People sharing my world. BEHAVE! I'm starting to think of begging for meds. Thinking... not ready to walk into a clinic and say
hi. I'm mm and I'm going off the deep end. Would you please give me something to make me feel "normal" again.

*stop snickering people... I have a "normal"... I just haven't had it defined yet.

Okay, so the day is getting suckier...

Yes, all you purveyors of perfect English can feel free to slam me on the title.
First of all. Got a troll.
So, just because I have comment moderation on, does not mean you can't leave a comment. In fact... comments are most welcome... if they are done with respect. Comment moderation means that I am selfish and miserable enough to decline sharing with the world what nasty little vermin that are out there.
Greetings wee troll.
Why yes, I was thrilled with your comment. And more impressed in how easy it was to get it totally and completely off my blog. Amazing what one can do when they want to ... techie friend would have an easier way of going about it no doubt. But hey... when one needs to remove vile things. One does, what one can. And I'm sure I could do it again... perhaps.... kinda. Okay, so I lucked out and got it totally removed.
But, the comment is gone. So there.

sticks tongue out and gives great big pbtttttt sound effect.

That was the absolute beginning to the day. Next came m1 and school. Yeah, we aren't going there.... okay we are.
IT SUCKED.
Tears all around. In my life as a parent. I had never imagined I'd hate taking my child to school. I do.
M2 and md are both are sick. Barking like seals, snot to fill a landfill ... with or without the aid of a Kleenex box!
Husband has a concert tonight... and of course the parent council meeting for m1's school is tonight too.
Yeah, can the day get much worse?
On the bright/darkest downer ever side, my grieving friend was feeling well enough to come for a visit this afternoon. She visited with Birdies blog, which is now closed (have been given permission to visit by mama Erin) to public viewing. She also brought over a few of her completed pages for this past babes book. M1 wanted to see it... seeing as we have a not so great grip on what death is already, I was leary of him seeing it. So I explained that baby had died, like granma H... and these were photos that were taken to remember baby.

"Baby _____ didn't learn how to breathe?"
"md learned to breathe though... she was going to die, but then she learned how to breathe..."

Will someone please pick up the pieces of our hearts that R and I left on the floor this afternoon. I think we both shattered any sort of healthy healing we'd had about our last births.
R gave m1 a hug, he isn't a really huggable child. Often squirms away. This afternoon he wrapped himself around R and said he was sorry that her baby had died. It was too bad it didn't learn how to breathe, he was a good big brother and could have helped it grow up. Maybe if you have another baby... mum (me) and the midwives (who would have thought he'd remember the name of at least one of them? I can barely say her name some days!) could help that baby breathe.

Oh
My
God.

How can he be so awful at school and so ... so.... whatever this is!

In addition I'm thinking of a friend who is also experiencing a loss. I hope she is wrapped up in a blanket surrounded with support and love ... it is so hard to let go of such hopes and dreams.

So yeah... it is almost four and I'm so down all I want to do is curl up in bed and cry my eyes out!

SQWEEEEEEE!

Ahhhh finally, another Province recognizing midwifery!

We're back...

I promised myself I'd leave the computer alone tonight after the frantic phone message from my friend about Birdie's mama...
F*%^(&
So to bloglines I go...
And more sad news is what I find.

Bah... should have stayed in bed!
Shoulda
Woulda
Coulda...

damn.
Good night Erin.
Good night dear other mama... I'm sorry you are joining the ranks. I wish you a swift and gentle recovery.
I'm telling you people... something is wrong with the universe.


As impolite, or irreverent or whatever this is... that funeral was "kick ass".
Sorry Sarah... it was out here, but ice caps with you is an absolute must in my world some day! Nope, not travelling to your neck of the woods too soon. Still working on the summer idea... sort of ... yeah petrol is at 1.20 here now... bah.

To do list for May the twelfth.

Fold, sort and put away four laundry basket contents.
Clean home for arriving semi-senile elderly uncle.
Make sure gift for m1's classmate is fully painted and finished for low key party.
Make sure to go to the low key party at the time specified... verbally. huh, gonna have to e-mail the mama before crashing for the night. Oh, guess we ought to make that morning!
Go to bank and get cash for emergencies... like the extra Lexus payment they want for filling the tank at the gas station... yeesh!
Feel guilt over not going to see a friend in desperate need of a chocolate fix. I PROMISE SOON!!!
Sleep?
snort... anyone notice the time. I haven't messed with the time stamp at all. Yuppers I am awake and wide eyed and busy tailed.
*actually I'm in an incredible amount of pain. Foot/ankle swollen to post c/s levels. Very disconcerting. Have seen walk in doc, planned on further action this week... not so realistic now.
Tylenol seems to be kicking in. Cold pack is out of the freezer, waiting to numb the pain...
have I mentioned I hate having cold feet? Well, I do.
Will have laptop... won't have wireless access. You may, or may not hear from me in the next little while...
Wish me luck. I'm less than likely to be civil with a few of the husbands relatives.
"golly gee, how horrible your baby has severe asthma at 18 months!"

what I'd love to really say is...

You dumb ass stupid little nit wit. NO KIDDING THE KID IS SICK! You live with a SMOKER! You had an elective caesarean (NO YOU CHOSE IT DUMB ASS, YOU COULD HAVE SAID, I'M HAVING A SNOOZE NOW THAT THE EPIDURAL IS IN AND WE'LL TALK IN THE MORNING! *I TOLD YOU THEY WOULD CUT YOU OPEN!* YOU CHOSE TO USE FORMULA, NO KIDDING YOU'VE HAD ONE EAR INFECTION AFTER ANOTHER.... GET A GRIP AND TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR STUPIDITY.

Ahem... sorry. Feeling a little riled at the moment. This particular relative will be sobbing at the funeral... too bad she actually only made it to see her grandmother once since Christmas.... grumble...
God help us all if the other dumb ass cousin shows up! She probably won't, as she only "married in to" the family. And her pregnancy isn't going well. Her husband probably doesn't have the time or inclination to show up either...
No shit? You're a nurse in a rural redneck town (can we say doctor worship?) ... and you haven't quit smoking? oh no problem ... of course you go right ahead and keep on puffing away.

Yes, people I said I do... despite this poor breeding stock. Oh, the smoker in her last few weeks of pregnancy... Subject to the lively discussion at our wedding of what shade of peach/pink/nude underwear she was wearing... skirt was barely considered a real piece of fabric covering not so much.

Have fun with that birth thing honey...
anyone in on the c/s betting pool?
anyone?
c'mon....

lovely. Just tucked m2 into bed with husband. He is wheezy and warm. Yeah, that has to clear up before tomorrow afternoon. No really. We don't have time for sick!

Husbands Grandmother died early this morning...
With the dignity and care she deserved.
Will be waiting to see when the funeral is... going home this coming week. Just not under the circumstances we had hoped.

And I thought Dr. Amy was bad?

***WARNING, NOT FOR THE WEAK OF HEART OR BIRTHING MAMA TO BE HEART... BEWARE ALL WHO ENTER HERE***

So yeah, Dr. Amy doesn't hold the worlds worst care provider medal anymore!!!

She doesn't have ANYTHING on this disgusting individual.

What kind of woman goes to a grieving mothers blog and tells her flat out that
yeah you were an irresponsible mother and killed your baby,

Wow... didn't think that people could be so freaking cruel.

*if you don't catch on right away... the disgusting one is a midwife?! WTF?

I'm starting to wonder about this God thing...

Last year I stomped my feet over this.
This week I'm absolutely livid over the fact that wee Fiona is trying to make a bid to escape at 20 weeks.

Yo God!
Think you've heaped enough on this family yet?
I've said it before.
And I'll say it again.

YOU SUCK.

FINE... I'll admit it... I cried.

But for all the right reasons.
My friend who had an amazing home birth after caesarean... spoke of her midwifery care this afternoon... I got the sneak peak, thankfully because I could barely hear a thing... until she started to cry.
DAMN IT!
The midwife she wanted to thank wasn't there. And isn't 'allowed' to be there.
Some great system, going on over a year since the "inquiry" started....

Witch hunt is more like it. We all know midwives are witches don't we?!
Yeah... lets remove great midwives from practice for years at a time. Sure that makes sense.

So yeah. I cried.
For all the right reasons.

Hello Government of Canada Person...

I noticed your visit to the blog. Thank you for taking the time to read my drivel and how much I despise politics.
I can only hope that you will take some of my rantings and ravings to heart.
Have a great day.
Drop me a comment next time you are here!
the mom to monsters

So... its International Midwifery Day in some parts of the world already.
I'm just shy of the official date here at home.
Been finishing off the t-shirts for the monsters.
Been doing a few more placards... yeah, not so many people made any the other night. But all in all a good meeting. So yeah, sniffing markers for me.
So... tomorrow is the big event. Media and of course politicians... bloody freaking politicians.
I got a new slogan for a sign from the net...
People can promise
Midwives deliver.

I changed it to
Politicians can promise...
but midwives deliver!

Not great... but hey, it gets the point across ...
right...
anybody?
huh.
Having huge issues with tomorrow... lots of people I know are going to be there. Most know my penchant for freaking out at the sound of sirens. It's just much harder this week to hold it in. Had two ambulances five doors down on Thursday night. Yeah... that went over well.
Sadly I'm hoping I won't see the midwife who cared for us when md was born... it just might push me over the edge. It has nothing to do with her. With the way things were handled. The birth itself was fine (well... not so much from my end), the first five minutes before the ambulances got there was nothing but a blur of activity and wondering what the heck happened? I never felt scared, I knew they (second midwife and primary midwife) were more than capable of doing what needed to be done ... do not get me started on the paramedics! I just get this nagging guilt... like feeling. For causing such a problem. Can't really explain it. I'm just scared I'll burst in to tears if I see her. And yeah, that will look good! I suppose I shouldn't care how it looks. But its hard to be brave when you are trembling inside.
Okay, time to get my wheat bag warmed up... sniff my way through a sign or two more and hit the sack!
G'night all.

*didn't hit publish last night so... whoops. Got another four signs done. Warmed up the toes and got some sleep

Happy International Midwifery Day!

my brain is taking a break...

To bring me an amazing amount of pain, nausea and frustration.

This week has been busy with preparation for International Midwifery Day... an AGM for the local doula/childbirth community group... school... gardening... first soccer games... yeah. busy.

I was tagged by the lovely Sarah the doula as to why I blog.

I have started in on it, but have yet to complete it. I started out with a serious diatribe on it. Then I figured it was a little too dark so I went on to a funnny one.

Yeah.

Not so easy to answer.

Soon. Soon I'll get it posted! I haven't forgotten!

So today... my brain decided to make me vomit violently, feel dizzy, groggy and generally like someone has tried to pry my skull open with some sharp cruel object.

Can't tell if it is lack of sleep, weather issues, stress over the rally on Saturday (yeah, that is a post unto itself... I'm stressed over going to a midwifery rally! ugh) or the delightful hormones that plague me every single month now...

I was lucky enough to be able to send m1 off with a friend to school, who will drop him off again at lunch time. She even offered to take m2 with her to the Parent Centre, poor m2... he still isn't out of his pj's yet. Md is snoozing. I think she is teething a bit... or something. Crabby kid!

Husband isn't home until late tonight... he has a meeting that starts at seven. ugh ugh ugh. I think I'll order pizza for supper. Too brain dead to try and feed them three good meals today. Two will have to do!

Going to die on the sofa now.