Spent the day with a 'girl' friend... playing faeries!

Good times! Faerie (changing in to angels at random moments), a butterfly, bumble bee (superhero bumble bee if you must know!) and of course the little princess... in the FLOOOOOOORRRRRERRRSSSSSS!

Oh God... NOOOOOOO!

School starts a week from today.
M1 has started hitting his head with his fists... inappropriate noises and screaming are a constant now a days... and I won't even go in to the defiance moments. I can't even bring myself to type some of what he says anymore... it is so awful.
Husband has informed me that in no uncertain terms am I allowed to discuss my worst fears for the coming school year. I am not even allowed to say a single word.

Well then, seeing as he is also going to be gone for the 6-10 hours of the day that involve the school day.
HE CAN GO TO HELL.

I'll try not to get too insane here. But wow... such support at home is just making me so happy!
Darn it! I love such great communication in a couple! snorts, and cries .... damn.

Happy trails to you.......

Dear techie friend is heading West today...
Happy trails ... or is it trials?
Yeah, if I could have swung a ticket. I'd have joined her. A teeny bit of me for moral support, a lot for playing hooky at the IKEA.
ahem.
Have a safe trip. Cheese therapy awaits your return!

Eight things.... be warned, they aren't pretty!

I was tagged by the round bellied amazingly introspective Red Spiral.... Eight things (secrets!) about me...


ummmmm. yeah, I have a hard time finding anything to say that won't involve phone calls from in real life friends.... SO DON'T BOTHER picking up the phone!!!



1. I'm trying to lose weight. I've lost four lbs in the last ten days.... meh.
It is HARD. Not so much the cutting back on food, but the getting the exercise.
I look at photos of myself pre-weight gain and I still don't like who and what I see.
I will divulge that I gained all the weight after I was assaulted. Warped mind saw fat girl as less likely to have it happen again. yeah.... shrugging shoulders wonders if I could even turn someones head to take a second look even without all the poundage now...



2. I despise water... drinking it that is! To that end. I was religious with consumption during all four of my pregnancies. Right now I am averaging about 4 Litres a day. My body has adjusted quite nicely... I don't feel 8 months pregnant anymore (peeing every 20 minutes).



3. I am capable of holding grudges. BIG ONES. I am truely not a nice person. Piss me off, make a snide comment.... DOOMED.
Point in fact... husband and I are fighting over the second call from carpool gal... yes 2nd call! Wanting to get together.
I don't want to have our children around should she come to our home. I don't want to be home either. I have no use for her, or her narrow view of the planet, politics and dear God, the accessory she named after the "dumb one" from a very popular t.v. series. Whatever. I'm just some stupid breeder who obviously had too many children.


4. I am not creeped out by death. At one point in my life, I went to more funerals of people I had been with in their last moments than of any other. People I went to university with thought that was creepy. Much like with birth... death should be treated with dignity. I am still angry at the night nurse who delayed replacing a morphine drip. What most people do not realize is that once that constant falters... it takes days to get back to comfort levels. Fury could only describe my state at the horror that was this persons last days.... Word to the nurses out there (not that I figure any actually read me!) keep your blessed religious morals and teachings with your purse at the station! EVERYONE deserves care in their final hours, no matter how they "lived" their lives!



5. My marriage sucks, a lot. Nothing more. Don't bother asking... I used to blame hormones... then me, then him... sometimes the perpetual state of exhaustion the monsters put me in....
It just sucks. Not much to do for it... just plug away at it and hope it gets better.



6. I can't say all that I need to say, for my own catharsis here. I have another place I write that I doesn't get the right to public viewing. No, I'm not sharing. No, it has no ties to this blog. No... it isn't open for discussion. It isn't pretty. A lot of dark thoughts run through my mind... so I purge them elsewhere... it seems to help.



7. I have depression issues. Always have. Always will? I'm crying a lot lately, I'm withdrawing, I'm avoiding a lot of things.... because I'm scared it'll be another doozie and I hate how I felt when I took meds. and I'm really scared m1 is suffering the same fate... but with defiance issues thrown in the mix ... this scares me more than anything in the world.
Husband once told me to snap out of it, get over it, suck it up...... it was a long drawn out fight.
I informed him that he ought to change a part of his biological makeup permanently... then we could talk again. Years later... he finally gets it (without any harm to his own self I might add).


8. I loved being pregnant... even with the constant puking (and hospital IV time) with m1. I'm going to say this... and hope that it doesn't hurt too many feelings
I'm sad I'm not going to have any more babies. I know I'm done with three, but I'm sad. I'll shut up now.

I'm supposed to 'tag' some other people... make comments in their blogs etc....

meh. If you want to, please be my guest... but really? I've got a hard core of what? five people who read me? pffffft. They've all done it, good reads though, good secrets.

Ciao!

Heading to the parental stomping grounds... wish us luck!
shudder...

And now for something completely different...

The downside to toilet training...

Our pants keep falling off!
*note the uber cool surfboard underpants...

No, we are far from perfect... naps, night are not even something to consider yet... but holy crap (pun intended!) m2 has been a lot more laid back than m1 !!!

WHEEEEEE! Ahhhh, I'm liking this one!

Now then... someone of note, please use the word IOTROGENIC when discussing the Cesarean rate!
Thank you so much.
Mom to Monsters

Her feet grew....

And that meant new shoes...

and then... low and behold. I found the Buster Brown shoes I bought for all of 4$ last August! AND THEY FIT TOO!!!!

Amazing what you find while hunting for the match to the single size seven shoe that m2 grew in to two weeks ago!

Really?

Oh heck, look what the studies say now! ... I had this argument with a pregnant woman a few years ago during my pregnancy with m2. She said that the doctor wouldn't give it to her if it wasn't safe...

And.... c'mon you all know what I'm about to say...
ANOTHER REASON TO AVOID THAT C/S!!!!
T1's are a mainstay of post partum pain management once they turf you from the hospital.

Oh and for all the people south of me... Yeah, our "free health care" can bite it big time too.
What the heck? Wish I'd known about this woman, set her up with the gal I know in Edmonton who had two at home and the other two at the hospital with her quads....
I can't believe that they couldn't have coughed up the money for extra staff for the surgery? Seriously? Because the fact is... this was scheduled! I'm sure overtime wouldn't have cost less than the estimated 600 thousand?

In case anyone wonders what I've been up to....

I've been coughing to the point of seeing stars... and last night! Oh goody, last night, I actually passed out from the lack of being able to catch my breath between hacks!

Went to the walk in clinic this morning. Reasonable doc. Not much he can do, just keep taking the cough syrup and hope for the best.

=(

*anyone with advice on eyebrow tweezing... feel free to send it along!

As per usual...

The gal who advocated... buy the hospital ticket and you get the hospital ride....
Brilliant words and I use them all the time... for people who insist on hiring a surgeon to take care of a fairly normal, routine event in the evolution of life...

Today she can eat those words!

READ HERE how hospital birth should be!

DRAT!

WHY didn't I get myself a few of these when I was pregnant?!

Please let it be someone else!!!

Friend works with hot air balloon company.
Bad accident last night.

YO FRIEND !!!!
WHERE ARE YOU?

the siblings are okay! WOO HOO...

I think she was hungry...

Tonight while the boys were terrorizing the street with dad... I got supper ready (how Holly Housewife-ish of me...).
Md was in a right mood and was banished to spend time with me in the house... as the repeated requests to "no street!" were ignored.
imagine the horror! the shock! the audacity of us to not allow her to play on the street!!!!
Any hoo... I told her quite jokingly that if she was that hungry, she could help set the table...
Needless to say, she got in to the "kids drawer" to set the table. No, no one else got cutlery, just her.

Well, look what I am!

Oddly enough... I can see it. Hey, even better a Canadian book eh?!

You're The Handmaid's Tale!

by Margaret Atwood

An outraged feminist, you have been oppressed and even silenced in
your life, fueling your fury against the society as it stands. Your role has been
strictly defined by society and you are almost certainly unsatisfied with it. You
have some vague idea of how this has come to be, but insufficient power to stop it,
let alone reverse the trend. And somehow you blame yourself for everything because
people ask you to. Beware people renaming your nation a Republic.


Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

Ummmm okay.... so not quite what I thought...

You're Thailand!

Calmer and more staunchly independent than almost all those around you,
you have a long history of rising above adversity. Recent adversity has led to
questions about your sexual promiscuity and the threat of disease, but you still manage
to attract a number of tourists and admirers. And despite any setbacks, you can
really cook a good meal whenever it's called for. Good enough to make people
cry.


Take the Country Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid

When this first popped up I snorted my green (iced) tea through my nose... then I read it.... makes sense to me!

You're Hawaii!

When they first meet you, few people can tell whether you want to say
hello or goodbye. Either way, most of them will end up saying that you're their favorite
person to visit, if only they could afford the trip. But your soft and warm image is
belied by an explosive undercurrent in your personality than can leave you drenched with
tears or boiling with anger for days on end. You are rather fond of using plants as
clothing.
Linen is my very best textile friend!!!

Take the State Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

Anyone know of a camp needing workers for August?

I'm serious people...
I
CAN'T
LIVE
WITH
HIM
FULL TIME!


Last night started with screaming at each other, lots of things said that I really did mean (and no I did not take any of it back, I meant it), lots of things he keeps saying he is sorry for (don't care, it was the truth so whatever on the sorry for saying it stuff).

Yeah... I'm so thrilled with this "relationship" sweetheart.

I can't talk about how I feel about the school thing
because I need to suck it up.
I need to get rid of the attitude.
I need to get along with the other mommies.
I need to....
and the list goes on and on.
Seeing as he "knows the system" and we have to "play by the rules" and the fact that this is about m1 and definitely nothing to do with the person who has to deal with the day to day crap of his education! Of course I shouldn't be bothered by any of this! I have absolutely nothing to gain or lose by my child being freaking whacked (in the head, not the physical sense) and not able to socially interact with any of his peers in a normal way! right?

lots of other rantings and ravings that no one really needs to read...

Wow. That doesn't even scratch the surface of everything that is so very wrong right now... but hey.

I need to suck it up.
*oh and stop getting so angry with anyone in general, because this is why m1 is acting out. Yes, I'm going to put the blame completely on me.... and of course take none of it too personally, because....

I need to suck it up!

Could. Not. Resist.

Ever since I was very young....

I knew I'd have my babies at home (okay so the first one didn't turn out that way...)

I knew I'd have a Halloween baby...



So when the monstser daughter arrived I tried my best to find her a Halloween shirt in the few days I had left.... no luck.



The other day I found this for the fall...

Could.

Not.

Resist!

Surprise, surprise!

Banging my head ....
HARD.

Oh wow!

An OB who dosn't condone homebirth?

I wasn't a very good person in my comment.... wonder if she'll even dare to publish it?

to be perfectly fair... she did so publish it! whoa.....
secondly I was a good person. I didn't demand if the uterine rupture mother had been induced at her suggestion? Or how many iotrogenic c/s's she had caused in her practice so far... or heck, what is her c/s rate? Seeing as she obviously wouldn't dare allow for vbac's after the horrors she has seen!
SNORT.... yeah. I was good. Pat pat pat on the back for me.

bah!

Well then, not only am I cesspool of sneezing and coughing misery (but well hydrated and low way below my fat intake for the day! yeah me!)... m1 has pink eye... badly.
My eyes are all itchy, either out of sympathy or I have it too.
bah!

Blame it on the virus... the allergies... whatever!

I joined an online weight loss thingy.
Filled it all out at about three in the morning.
Just finished filling in what went in my mouth this morning...
I'm not doing too bad! woo hoo for me.
Now I must take my sniveling, coughing, miserable self out for exercise...
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ....
Sorry, I am going to take a shower. The elevated body temperature is taking care of the "now we need to make you sweat" component of the day.

Wish me luck! please!
One lousy photo taken of me by one of our guests threw me right over the edge...

thank you C!

A week of husband and guests...

So incredibly tired.
Sick.
Coughing.
Exhausted...

get the idea yet?
because I am too tired to try and find more words.
urg.

still don't like husbands glasses.
blech.
still going to figure out how to fix the blog... I think!