so... who all is out there?

Would love to know who all is out there in this Province.
Pipe up and let me know!
I know you are out there, and reading. Just not sure why.

My brain is going to explode...

Soooo much going on in there.

Went to a meeting I really didn't want to tonight. I've been feeling very ambivalent and discouraged by birth lately. I am frightened that I am too jaded, cynical and the 'suck it up princess' in me just doesn't care any more.

I went to the meeting.
a) I have sincere doubts that the chain of communication will be any better. I didn't have much hope... but now I will have to seriously consider making myself a royal pain in the ass to make it happen.
b) Business of Being Born is coming to town. I'm going. I'm hoping that we will have the panel discussion after. Then again... we need to show this to those who aren't 'converted' for lack of a better word. So, two hundred women who 'get' the message might not lead to a lot of change. We shall see.
c) Birth Centre is still a go... I hope that the next six months are gentle on those writting the proposals and grant applications and pricing out every single drawer and cabinet, contents and all.
d) Midwifery fast track education for ob/gyn nurses... Yeah. When that was dropped in conversation my brain was running at a manic rate.
then I got my ass whooped. and rightfully so.
My Province DOES have a program to train midwives.. and like any other fledgeling program it has its own set of problems. I was quite vocal about it once upon a time. And tonight I did not give it the credit it is due.
I need to apologize.
IT is a viable and important part to our Province getting its ass in gear and getting more midwives out there. It will provide many communities with the much needed care that they need. One day... not soon, but one day it may spread across this Province and be open to so many more Manitobans can pursue midwifery studies... don't think I will. Tonight that makes me very, very sad.
I'm scared for my friends, and my own children. What kind of environment will they birth in? I know that homebirth isn't for everyone. But Birth. Birth. Need not be a medical emergency. I am not sure if anyone hears this. I guess I've been feeling like a lone voice in the wilderness. I know that I have a chorus of much better singers behind me... but still I feel so beaten down by it all. Husband bought me the Birth House by Amy MacKay... and I yet to read it. I ordered Pushed and have yet to pick it up from the Chapters...
What is wrong with me?

I'm hoping that seeing the documentary will revitalize me... but I can't help but feel dismal.
Time to delve in to the ptsd again. I don't like feeling like this.

I stand corrected.

A celebrity is able to give birth without a scalpel.

I know!
My jaw is on the floor too!

Oh right...

I forgot that school just plainly sucks.

M1 has struck up a friendship with a classmate.
Classmate has invited m1 over to play one day after school.
enter the big bad mom thing
I said, no way until I talk to the other mom.
*six year olds have no concept of asking first... and we all know it!
Did it.
Then this afternoon m1 came home with the other kids agenda. I called the mom and offered to drop it off. No thanks.
I have real doubts she will ever give us a 'day that works for her' and this was a perfect way of ensuring we don't even know where they live.

F*#K I hate this parenting thing some days.

m1 lost his second tooth today... just yanked it out at recess and happily handed it to his teacher... she found a baggie and handed it to me this afternoon.
Must find a twoonie before bed time!

I take it back. She just called and asked if m1 could come over tomorrow after school. She'll drop him off at 5:30.

Yikes.

8 days...

Girls...

You know, I was all for dying on this particular hill.
*picking the battle and dying on the hill for it.


But really.
If my feet had grown and I was wearing these all morning.



I'd want to wear them during my nap too!
and she is

Finally...

It seems that there IS actual proof that elective cesarean is NOT good for babies... on a whim.
There is a time and a place for cesareans...
But this study seems to prove that Christina Aguilera might want to consider an epidural over the risk next week.

I doubt she will though.

I wonder how many women and children need to die before the medical profession acknowledges the risks in major abdominal surgery. From my count there are seven in the US alone that made the news... mothers who didn't make it after the c/s. Cripes. That is seven too many!

We be sick...

Okay, first it was the monsters.
Now it is me.
bah.
Tired, exhausted, scratchy voice, irritating husband
three more sleeps, three more sleeps, three more sleeps ....
Sent off a whack of packages varied addresses this afternoon.
Hope each makes it to its destination without much harm.

Going to bed.
You'll find me under the duvet with my wheat bag, begging for sleep... undisturbed sleep for hours and hours and hours...

stop laughing.

Not so innocent as it seems...

I originally thought it was cute... you can tell she has brothers, who are going through a superhero phase. At the moment it is Spiderman, hence why Superman *dunnuh (humm the opening bars to the 1930's cartoon versions... md does) is left to his own devices.

Which he obviously took advantage of.

Baby doesn't look so innocent and sweet in her hung over, who is this guy in my stroller? cap all askew.... yeesh.

Oh so tired.... and annoyed!

Been up on and off most of the night.
bah.
Must regale you with my foray into stupid parenting hell last night.

I'd just completed the transaction and was about to leave the store when
flashing red light
slamming doors
Yes, we had a code Adam. I could see the mom crying by the customer service area.
"no, he isn't in the washroom, he isn't anywhere!"

So, in ten minutes time... along comes dad.
don't know about any of you... but as a parent, I'd be checking if it was my child a.s.a.p.


"what?! YOU DID THIS?!"
and then he goes on to say he gave the kid the keys to the car, cause he was bored with 'your' stupid shopping.

feeling slightly murderous at this point

So, as the police walk in, I look at one square in the eye and proclaim that this moron... he needs parenting classes!

Tell me..
Who in their right mind gives a six year old keys to a car?
To walk out into a busy parking lot, alone?
If the kid doesn't want to hang out with mom... what is wrong with you taking them?
*like I'm gonna put up with his whining when I'm lookin at my stuff. Direct quote.
The windchill was pretty darn cold last night.
Was the kid going to start the car too? To keep warm? What if someone followed him. What if someone hit him in the parking lot? What if they started the car and it rolled or they put it in gear for fun?
Anyone tired of the what ifs?

Cripes and I felt bad for hollering at m2 yesterday when he wouldn't leave his sister alone.
*not good for what is left of the voice, not good at all.