Why does it have to be so hard?!

Went to see an amazing house today... AMAZING!
It was gorgeous. It was beautiful. It was perfect.
It will be a bidding war. It will not be our new home.
After I put the monsters to bed... I cried, still am to be honest.
Why does it have to be so hard?
I know that if I were to take all of the money coming from my grandmother... it would be easier. We could knock a mortgage payment down to something reasonable...
But...
I want to do some things for me.
A laptop.
A front loading washer.
Saving for school (what the heck am I going to do anyways? I mean really? What the heck am I going to do when I grow up? My original plans are just not going to happen... so this is kind of a stupid thought.)
I am feeling so torn... I am being selfish. I have a feeling I'm going to have to sign it over and just pour it all into a home.
What other choice do I have?
Why does it have to be so hard... why do I keep feeling so petty about it.
Blech.