Tumultuous Tuesday

Was greeted this morning by nqmd in a veritable puddle of vomit.
Then she nursed avidly, and made a puddle on me, of vomit.
And so started my day....
Monsters were actually pretty delightful, outdoor time helps!
Leftover waffles for lunch, an attempt at a nap time...
I actually got a shower in today, with nqmd. She threw up again after another attempt at lunch. She has not been interested in food in a few days now... If it weren't for her being just fine in all other behavior I'd be more worried... But she is still very drool-y, squeal-y and generally happy. So I will see what tomorrow brings.
I'm not very sociable lately. In fact I'm downright miserable. And the ptsd is getting worse (*I just read that this is normal... great!). So I spent a good three hours on the phone, going from one doctors office/health unit/health care service to another... nada. I guess Dr. Amy is right. *don't bother with the link, I put it in to give credit, but it certainly isn't worth the time and mental energy to take a look at the drivel going on. trust me!* I have no right to have any ptsd in regards to a "birth issue". I should have gone about this in a proper manner and been exposed to violence, participated in violence or been a victim of violence. Drat. I will start again tomorrow. One of the people I spoke with was going to ask around and see if there was something they could do. Which is better than nothing. For now I will take a deep breath and ignore the sirens as much as possible.
Consider this fair warning... I am not doing well with sirens... and my neighborhood has had more than its fair share in the last few days! Oddly enough I find myself having moments of absolute indifference to them too... Yet another thing I read is a normal reaction.
Husband took the boys to the park tonight. They had a good time, came home dusty and dirty and tired.
We met with the real estate agent. I'm not convinced this is going to work. AT ALL. We will not buy a dump, just to get a house. We can't.
And yet, we can't afford the mortgage payments on what we want to get... So very frustrating... so very depressing. The goal is Christmas. We shall see. For now I am putting a moratorium on thinking about it, I won't get any sleep until I do. arg.
Still tired, still cranky. Haven't had caffeine in three days... I miss having bad snacks to nibble on and have I mentioned I HATE WATER! ? I think if I try hard enough I can talk myself out of "dieting while nursing"... then again I am more or less just trying to make some positive changes to lifestyle.... blech.
The week is half over tomorrow... it is also pay day which would be nicer if we didn't have all those people who want us to pay our bills! Oh and the countdown to single parenthood is on too... yikes.
Must try and sleep.