Mothers

So I've been doing my usual lurking on the blog scene of late. Even actually commenting every once in a while... like on the sOB's and such. But one blog has had me hooked for a while now. Go check her out. I want to be that articulate someday. I just happen to pride myself that I do not need a dictionary for those double scrabble points words she uses. Go ahead and laugh. I used to be a fairly coherent individual people. And no, not just on the whole "birth thing".

So, as you may have noticed whilst visiting... there is a big thing about mommy blogging. Now I'm not really sure if I'm a mommy blogger or not. But I have to say that I do not like the negative spin a certain blogger has given it. Feel free to ignore that link gang, but I suppose the anti mommy bloggers awards are up this weekend... so go ahead. I do not like it when anyone says that post partum depression is a nice story. Nope, despite my irritation with Ms. Sheilds I believe it is real and it deserves to be spoken of. It is a very brave thing to throw out there. Trust me I know!

So with a large glass of Koolaid at hand... I give you the moms.

My own mother, well gee, from the name of the blog and the initial few posts... she is most certainly not going to see it!
But, my mother deserves a few words. She did a pretty good job considering the siblings I have. I know that she had a very rough go of it here. She came to Canada when a generation still hadn't forgotten the horrors of the second world war. Her mother in law was less than thrilled with her as the woman my father chose to marry. Her first child was a disaster, but now seems to have his life together.... but I remain stoically on the fence with that one. I'm not going either way with it. She loves me to a fault. I do gripe about her... and she drives me insane. But I am loved. I worry about the day she dies. I'm worried I won't have done enough with my life. Never has she said... you have to do this or that. But I still feel like I've let her down some days, or is that just misplaced guilt by hearing how great all my siblings and thier spouses are? Yes, let us not go there. Love you mom, but no you will not be reading this.
Then there is Anne. She always had the door open for us... or at least let us in on where the key was hidden. Fresh scones from the oven, flour, sprinkle of sugar, butter the size of two eggs... currants. Proper Scottish scones with lemon curd and jam and real butter. She always wanted to "run away" to Edmonton... she loved my dragging her to the grocery stores, the specialty stores, the IKEA. I educated her on the joys of linen. It's called status wrinkles people... Status! Not everyone can wear linen! She never questioned why I felt like a failure when I had a cesarean with monster #1. She knew it was devastating, not once did she say "at least you and the baby are fine, isn't that the important thing?". Yes it was, but I still had to grieve. She was there to help me become a better mother. She sent flowers when I miscarried my Halloween baby. She was my lifeline so far from my own family. She has the most beautiful view of nothing. Fields, that will be filled with wheat and canola... Beautiful fields that grew nothing the year monster #1 turned one. I cried. I have eleven stalks of wheat. The tallest from the field, wrist to tip of my fingers. Devastating does not begin to describe that year. She was there when my husband was "asked to leave" his position. She was there to let me rant. She was my mother and my lifeline. I miss her so much. I wish I could drop in and bring a tin of Tim Hortons coffee and let my monsters run loose after the cats... collect pine cones and rocks. Gaze at the newly seeded fields. Instead I wait with tongue clamped firmly between my teeth for her first grandchild to be born on Wednesday. I "got to her" as far as birth issues, and she too has her tongue firmly clamped... but as a mother of boys, she feels bound to be good and not discuss the ramifications of an un-necessary c/s. I get to be on the other end of the flickering screen and see if she gets invited to go see this new baby... She was first on the hospital doorstep with her mother and eldest (his child coming this next week) to see monster #1. I hope she gets the same invitation before the surgery....
I have very few friends. We all are the best moms we can be, which means some days we have no idea what possessed us to have children! We all have our ups and downs in this crazy adventure. Two of them have given me the greatest gift of allowing me to be present at the birth of their children. For that I will be eternally grateful! One was an amazing home birth after cesarean. I cried I was so blown away by it all... of course I was 6 month pregnant too (*note... being a doula while pregnant is not so easy!) so hormones were pretty wild. I will forever be grateful for that night.... we are doing it again sometime... apparently the party is at my new home next time. Yeah, must get on that new house thing with some passion soon!
Another caused me such angst I was terrified she'd go into labour and I'd have to haul my husband out of work to care for the children. It was another amazing birth. A cesarean birth, but a good one. Mama had decided two c/s's was enough. She laboured so amazingly. I envy her pain threshold. I suppose I could thank her for allowing me into the surgery, but her husband doesn't do "that". So I was just lucky enough to hold her hand and tell her all about the beautiful baby she had. You see, she does not... see that is. I have fun with her and her "unsightful" world. She triumphed in getting breastfeeding going. Third time was a charm! And the mammary glandless ducks were all in a row to get help! So proud. And thank you for going into labour on a Friday night! whew!
Seeing as I'm completely hyped up on sugar and caffeine (apologies to nqmd on the 3a.m. feeding front)... I must mention the moms to be.
I found myself in the yarn section and a sweet little old lady was chatting up nqmd. She said the most frightening thing

Someday you will the mommy and your mommy will be knitting something for your babies.

No. No. No. Not acceptable to be thinking about this now! NO! Give me an ambulance, heck, have the sirens going 24/7 in my yard! No do not make me think of this!So, simply... I hope that becoming a mom is joyful. Being a mom is a rough ride some days and a breeze the next. Just like life on a daily basis... only you have this little person who loves you like nobody's business. In the end, it is all worth it! Always worth it.
Happy Mothers day to us all.
Now... to send the link...... swigging Koolaid, must find liquor. The mom of monsters is tossing her hat into the mommy ring.... cause the third time is charm right?

*top photo of monster #2 buried in the leaves
*nqmd(not quite monster daughter) at her Christening in January
*and this is the monster that started it all. Monster #1