Sometimes I want to give up...

Its been a rough few weeks.
I've had more breakdowns over sirens and hospitals and the monster daughter coughing or snuffling or whatever she does to give me palpitations.
This past weekend I ran away to a friends house for much needed time away from the monsters. This coming weekend I'm going to run away to another friends home.
This is causing me some stress. We are going to be working on vbac and cesarean information for the local doula ed nights...
Went to visit one of my favourite student midwives this evening....
This is what greeted me.
After an evening with other women working towards opening a birth centre, midwifery consumers group, getting midwifery education offered in our province....
It was hard.
The birth centre will probably never be vbac friendly.
The midwives are being cornered at every corner with restrictions for care.
The art of spiritual midwifery is almost non existent.
Almost half of the women who want midwifery care, are being turned away in some parts of the Province...............

Sometimes it feels like there are too many battles
Sometimes I wonder if it is worth wanting to stake out a hill to die on.
Maybe it is just the completely insane hormonal craziness going on in my body...
but I am so completely and totally wanting to throw in the towel and walk away from everything right now...

Then I remember my friends, still having babies.
Then I remember my boys *who will marry women who want midwifery care. And the monster daughter, who someday may want to have a baby too... and what options will be offered her?
For tonight though, I'm going to wallow in the sadness.
Tonight I'm going to give up the fight and let someone else take over for a few hours. Tomorrow I'll feel better about this.
Right?