Cranky and tired.
So what else is new you ask?
Well, I've come to the conclusion that I want to die for about 14-17 days a month. If you are at all not interested in the inner workings of my body.
Stop reading now.
Huh. Still here?
Alrighty then.
What is with the conspiracy?
Why didn't someone tell me that having children would cause my body to start up with cramps and aches and shooting pains and the crankiness.... whoa, stay out of my way! I am so incredibly cranky? Well, more like I'm incredibly unhappy.
Unhappy with my monsters.
Unhappy with my husband.
Unhappy with my dog.
Unhappy with my life.
Add pain. Such incredibly annoying pain. I never would have guessed that I'd end up like this! All through my teens and twenties I didn't get cramps like this. Sure a bit of a twinge here and there, but this... this sucks.
I do not like it.
Not at all.
Not even a little. As much as I try to believe that this is "normal" and "womanly" and what an amazing thing this really is.
SNORT.
I can't. I just can't. I really do not like how I feel, how I think, how I look, how I am for a major part of my life now. I want to curl up and cry and sob and not leave the house ever again. I want to walk out on my husband, yeah, really I get these ideas! I can't get through the day with the monsters without flipping out on them... granted they do toy with my sanity. Really they do!
I know I could go and get some hormone therapy in the form of birth control... but I wonder how good a candidate I am for it. I'm edging up on 35, over weight... blah blah blah... Excuses, excuses, excuses. I guess I'm just not looking forward to having to ask a perfect stranger for drugs... Perhaps I am just too cynical after the disaster I've had trying to get some help with the ptsd. What a joke that has been.
On another fun note. Nqmd should be upgraded to an md. She gave me a bit of a break last night by only getting up every three or so hours. Not impressive. She screams like she is dying every single time she is put down in her crib. Bringing her to bed is cause for hopping and tumbling and having a grand time...
I just want to curl up and die for a few days. Just until I feel human again. That isn't too much to ask is it?
Well, I've come to the conclusion that I want to die for about 14-17 days a month. If you are at all not interested in the inner workings of my body.
Stop reading now.
Huh. Still here?
Alrighty then.
What is with the conspiracy?
Why didn't someone tell me that having children would cause my body to start up with cramps and aches and shooting pains and the crankiness.... whoa, stay out of my way! I am so incredibly cranky? Well, more like I'm incredibly unhappy.
Unhappy with my monsters.
Unhappy with my husband.
Unhappy with my dog.
Unhappy with my life.
Add pain. Such incredibly annoying pain. I never would have guessed that I'd end up like this! All through my teens and twenties I didn't get cramps like this. Sure a bit of a twinge here and there, but this... this sucks.
I do not like it.
Not at all.
Not even a little. As much as I try to believe that this is "normal" and "womanly" and what an amazing thing this really is.
SNORT.
I can't. I just can't. I really do not like how I feel, how I think, how I look, how I am for a major part of my life now. I want to curl up and cry and sob and not leave the house ever again. I want to walk out on my husband, yeah, really I get these ideas! I can't get through the day with the monsters without flipping out on them... granted they do toy with my sanity. Really they do!
I know I could go and get some hormone therapy in the form of birth control... but I wonder how good a candidate I am for it. I'm edging up on 35, over weight... blah blah blah... Excuses, excuses, excuses. I guess I'm just not looking forward to having to ask a perfect stranger for drugs... Perhaps I am just too cynical after the disaster I've had trying to get some help with the ptsd. What a joke that has been.
On another fun note. Nqmd should be upgraded to an md. She gave me a bit of a break last night by only getting up every three or so hours. Not impressive. She screams like she is dying every single time she is put down in her crib. Bringing her to bed is cause for hopping and tumbling and having a grand time...
I just want to curl up and die for a few days. Just until I feel human again. That isn't too much to ask is it?
posted by k.thedoula at 22:51
3 Comments:
I'm SOOOOO sorry that you are feeling so CRAPPY.
I definitely have noticed some real benefits to my recent surgery and giving "birth" to that damn fibroid (and excising the uterus with it.)
--Less cravings...
--Lower appetite (and mine was too much so less is good...)
--Ability to exercise again...
--NO PERIODS!
--More eventempered
BUT I am 45 and glad to be where I am...and the combination of the surgery and new antidepressant therapy has changed my life.
...have you checked on possible naturopathic therapies?
...have you checked with your doc/nurse practitioner about meds other than hormone therapy?
Consider keeping a diary of your "symptoms" and know I'm sending a hug.
Hh
I never thought I'd say this, but the pill changed my life and I wouldn't DREAM of going back. From my very first period I was a mess of pain of anger and depression every month. When I finally went to my doctor and got prescription pain-killers I thought maybe it would improve. But even they didn't help much unless I ignored the dosage guidelines. My doctor finally convinced me to give the pill a try for three months (she is NOT a pro-drug dr - she recommends things like meditation for stress). I've been on it for 3 years now and my life is completely different. All that to say - 'hormone therapy' isn't necessarily a bad thing. It COULD be right for you.
On the more natural side though, there are options like acupressure/puncture, massage therapy, herbs, eft, homeopathy....
There could also be something physical going on - endometriosis, fibroids, perimenopause...
Experiment, and don't give up until you find relief that you are comfortable with. You don't deserve to suffer....and neither does your family. :( I know how much guilt can set in when you just can't help but be miserable.
I'm thinking of you and sending warm hugs, hot raspberry leaf tea, and therapeutic touch, out to the West of me. :)
Sarahthedoula
mm.
Something to consider re: THAT time. :)
wwwDOTemofree.com/articles/menstrual-crampsDOThtm
& re: PTSD
wwwDOTemofree.com/ArticlesDOTaspx?id=30
I've seen EFT work and it is pretty remarkable.
Sarahthedoula
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